The Diary of John Dorian
by KKM
Summary: Shortly after his son is born, JD is involved in a head on collision and is put on life support. Stubborn as always, Dr. Cox is the only one of his "friends" who refuses to visit. But after coming across the young doctor's diary, his views start to change. Rated T (Rating is subject to change depending on the flow of the story).
1. Chapter 1

**The Diary of John Dorian**

**By: KKM**

* * *

_**Summary: **_

_** Shortly after his son is born, JD is involved in a head on collision and is put on life support. Stubborn as always, Dr. Cox is the only one of his "friends" who refuses to visit. But after coming across the young doctor's diary, his views start to change. Rated T.**_

_**This story is told in Dr. Cox's POV.**_

* * *

_ 'Celebrations are supposed to be a time of joy. It's when a group of morons get together for the single purpose of getting piss-faced drunk and making fools of each other with congratulations to whatever the insignificant cause may be. Every celebration almost always ends with someone getting hurt. However, I'd like to think that if I'd known what I do now that I may have been able to stop this one. We all wished that…'_

* * *

**Chapter 1:**

The world is coming to an end; I can _feel_ it. Newbie has somehow managed to prove to the world that he's not as much of a whiny little girl as everyone thought. Don't mistake my thoughts as being impressed - the truth is far from it. Impressed would be if he suddenly came to me and said that the last seven years had been a joke and he was really a millionaire and could be a bigger prick than me. Shocked would be a more applicable term for this situation.

Prepare yourself:

_Newbie has procreated._

That's right ladies and gentleman, Sally really does have a dick somewhere under all of that estrogen. I did _nawt_ see that coming and for the life of me I can't even imagine the kid being remotely fatherly to another creature let alone an actual human being. After all, he still tails me wherever I go like a lost puppy.

I can't say that I didn't see it coming though. It's no secret that the kid has had numerous different partners over the past seven years I've known him. Knocking one up was bound to happen sooner than later even though I'm sure most of us thought an STD would have been the more likely outcome. The real kicker in this whole ordeal is that the little dumbass had only known the girl for about two days when it happened. They hadn't even became a couple yet!

_Idiot._

And now, nine months later a baby boy had been introduced to the world. No doubt there are definitely better options for parents, but a drama-bomb for a father and an emotionless succubus for a mother is what he ended up with. I don't suppose my children are any luckier, but in my defense at least Jordan and I have known and been together for a long time. Kim's not even here for the celebration. I wonder what they even named the little tatter-tot? Samantha, was it? Fitting.

I looked over from across the bar as he and his little groupies laughed and ordered more rounds of beer for everyone. Now that the little shit had been born, all of Newbie's close friends had caroused here to the bar we doctors nearly always visited after our long tedious shifts. It seemed a fitting place to go for the occasion. I still don't know how I was dragged into joining them. At least I didn't have to endure their cheery crap alone.

While JD and his group of friends mingled at their table, I sat at the bar with my usual drinking buddy the Janitor. We'd bumped into each other here a few years back and found that we had a certain mutual love to torment a certain someone and every since then each time we happen across one another after our shifts we've always enjoyed each other's company along with a nice, strong drink. Sometimes we'd talk about what was new in the hospital, maybe a trophy winning moment where we'd gotten the best of JD, or sometimes we didn't even need to talk preferring silence over meaningless words. Either way, it made the place much more tolerable. Plus as an added bonus, he never whined about stupid shit.

JD was trying to catch my eye from where he was seated with his friends and gave me a big smile accompanied by a wave when he'd thought for sure he'd caught my eye. I didn't bother to acknowledge him, let alone he start squealing like a teenage girl in public. Instead I rolled my eyes with a smirk and returned my attention to the barkeep. As I did, I took a certain satisfaction in not missing the slightly deflated look on his face that followed. Damn, he was easy to get to. I mean, what was he expecting? A warm 'great job' look for getting a hole in one? I was here, wasn't I?

"Heh, you love doing that, don't you?" the Janitor asked with an amused smirk as he swirled the amber liquid of his shot glass. I just gave him an incredulous look.

"Don't you?" I chuckled and downed my shot without so much as a twitch. Ahhh, now _that_ takes talent! " Keeps him from getting too cocky about outgrowing her training bra," I said with a smirk of my own. The Janitor gave a hearty laugh in response and tipped his glass to me before downing the contents and shaking his head a bit from the aftermath. Grabbing another shot of my own, I followed suit and gave a pleased sigh as the cool liquid burned my insides pleasantly making it tingle with a warmth that only alcohol could form.

"Ah, it seems that their bringing the party to us," my friend warned as he glanced back over his shoulder. I looked too, confirming his words much to my displeasure. "Blonde Doctor," he greeted with a smile, ignoring the rest. It wasn't a secret to anyone but her apparently that the Janitor had the hots for Barbie. How she didn't see it was _be-yond_ me. I watched as she gave him a friendly smile when they approached and returned my gaze back to my drink with a look of mild disgust.

My short break from insanity came to an end as Carla made it to us first, closely followed by Gandhi, Barbie, and of course Newbie himself. I secretly took great pleasure in the jealous look her husband shot me as she drunkenly leaned onto my shoulders from behind in an overly friendly manner that was only possible due to her alcohol consumption. Newbie took the seat beside me as expected while Barbie and Gandhi were left to stand over us awkwardly. I was boxed in at all sides. Damn it all.

"Come on, Perry," Carla was saying in a tipsy voice as she raised her beer high into the air; her Dominican accent becoming more distinct after each gulp. "Surely you have something to say. You can't be JD's mentor for seven years and not have anything to say!"

I mentally and most likely outwardly cringed at the word 'mentor.' It made me sound like I had a soft spot for the little twerp - which I most certainly did _nawt._ I looked over at the fool in question. His cheeks were red from too much liquor and he was giving me a shy smile as he looked up at me expectantly. I bet that little shit was enjoying my every moment of discomfort. He knew I hated sappy shit like this. He'd probably been dreaming of this moment all night hoping I'd give him some girly-ass speech about how proud of him I am. Yup. There's that stupid far away look of his again. So predictable. Might as well crush those hopes while they're fresh.

"Alright," I said finally as I motioned for what was probably my sixth shot from the bartender. Then I held it up as a toast toward Newbie. "To Sally! Who knew that you actually had a pair down there? Enjoy the next eighteen years of diapers, screaming, and temper tantrums," I grinned. No matter how appalled his friends were by that short little speech, I knew he enjoyed it. He always came back for more. But after Carla smacked me upside the head, I kindly decided to elaborate. Finding my lips betraying my mind, I added in a more serious tone, "what I mean is, if you pay half as much attention to your kids as you do your patients, I'm sure they'll make it past the first year alive. Good luck, kid." I finished lamely before finally getting to down my raised shot.

To the average person, that may have sounded like yet another one of my famous insults, but they all knew that was the best they were going to get. Normally I wouldn't have even given so much as a 'fuck you' in return.

"Thanks, Perry," JD laughed, and I could tell he meant it. Then he took a sip of one of his green gay-tinis. I swear, the kid just begs to get picked on. He just makes it so darn easy.

Trying to avoid anymore awkward moments, I looked to my left hoping to strike a conversation with the only other person around who's brain wasn't the size of a pea. But to my dismay, the Janitor who had been seated beside me not even two minutes ago had vanished only to be replaced by Barbie who had all but jumped at the occasion to take an empty seat. I bet he did that on purpose, I thought as she tried to talk my ear off about what ever new beau disaster she was on - smug bastard.

I rubbed my nose in irritation and crossed my arms as she gave up and started talking to Larry and Mo instead. Escaping my bar stool undetected was impossible at this point. I was right in the middle of the chaos. The only one who for once wasn't talking seemed to be Newbie as he sipped away at his drink with a small smile, his eyes flickering back and fourth between each of us. Eventually, his brown, child-like eyes focused totally on me and to my horror I realized that I was about to be forced into more awkward conversation. And Newbie looked like he very much wanted to talk to me now that the others seemed to be distracted with their own faster than the speed of light chit-chat.

That's when Sally's phone rang. Maybe there was a God, I mentally deduced as he broke eye contact with me and fished for his handheld. However when he looked at the screen, I couldn't help but notice the sudden change in the young Doctor's mood as the smile seemed to melt off of his face. I caught a good look at the screen right before he answered. Kim. Now why should seeing the name of his newborn's mother affect him like that? That can't be good.

"Do we have to do this right now?" he frantically whispered into the receiver, trying not to gain too much attention from his preoccupied friends that surrounded us. He locked eyes with me again and looked slightly alarmed that I might say something to the others. I merely shrugged and returned to pretending he didn't exist as I ordered another shot of whiskey. This time he was safe from me making his life a living hell. But only this one time. "Please don't yell…" he whispered almost dejectedly, as if there was a hint of guilt in his voice. "It's not like that! I-" he cut himself off and covered his cell phone, realizing he'd just yelled rather loudly. We were all staring at him curiously now. In the silence we could all hear the shouting from the other end of the line.

"You okay, Bambi?" Carla asked, suddenly sounding very much sober. She reminded me of a mother about to console her child.

JD turned pale as he kept his hand over the receiver and muttered, "I'm fine. I'll be right back." Then we all watched as he left his bar stool without so much as his appletini in hand. As he left, we watched closely as he returned the phone to his ear and continued to argue with whoever was on the other end until he was out of sight.

"That didn't sound good," Gandhi said, pointing out the obvious with furrowed brows. I suppose at that point I could have told them the small piece of the puzzle I'd seen. But when you really get down to it, it just wasn't any of their business.

"Hm, he'll come to us if it's important," Carla said wisely, always the voice of reason between morons. "C'mon, Turk. Lets go pay off our tab. Party's over." Before she left, she added, "By the way, Elliot, you have barbecue sauce on your new shirt." Then she lead her husband away as if he was attached to an invisible leash.

"_FRICK!"_ Barbie shouted before running off to the bathroom like an adolescent girl who'd just broken a nail.

And just like that, I was finally alone. I could now have some peace and quiet. I took a swig from my new bottle of beer and leaned comfortably against the counter as I enjoyed the silence. As I sat there, I couldn't help but ponder about how Kim had the power to constantly make Newbie's life miserable. I've pissed in that kid's cheerios for seven long years and he still treats me like the Messiah. She almost deserved an award. _Almost._

In all honesty, I don't like Kim that much. I can admit that she's a descent urologist but other than that she seems like a pretty crappy person- and trust me, I _know_ crappy. Don't get me wrong, if I was in her shoes I sure as hell wouldn't want Newbie as the father of my child either. But I certainly wouldn't lie and say that I had a miscarriage either. I think I have the most right other than Newbie to pass judgment on this considering I've been in a similar situation. I mean, my first few months back together with Jordan she'd lied to me and told me Jack wasn't mine. But the little ice queen wasn't cruel enough to pull what Kim had. Even though I can see that Newbie is trying to be the bigger person here, I can't honestly say I'd have reacted the same way. If it had been my kid I'd have dumped her ass on the curb and taken that kid into my custody before she could utter a single lifeless apology. But that's just me.

About ten minutes later, my silent pondering came to an end as Newbie returned from God knows where red-faced and obviously upset. His eyes looked glossy and irritated as if he'd just been crying. Great. If there is one thing to know about me, it's that cheering people up is _nawt_ my forte.

"What's wrong, Jasmine? Has Aladdin called to cancel your magic carpet ride?" I tried baiting him, never missing a single beat. I was surprised when he didn't get his panties in a twist like he normally did. Instead, he turned to me with a half-hearted glare.

"Not tonight," he said before dropping my gaze with a sigh. "Where are the others?" he asked, not really bothering to look around for them. He held a tired look on his face as he toyed with his half full martini glass and waited for my answer.

"Urkel and Laura over there, went to pay off their tabs and Barbie had an accident," I said evenly as I watched for a reaction. I honestly expected him to jump up and go to them like he normally would have, but tonight Newbie was full of surprises. He simply sat there.

"Oh…" he trailed off quietly before looking up again. It was slightly unnerving how he was looking at me. It was like he was trying to decide on if he should tell me what the hell was going on or not. In the end, he chose the latter. "Just tell them something came up," he said quickly, then like a bat out of hell he grabbed his rain jacket and made a move to get up.

My eyebrows raised at this. Something was most definitely wrong with this scenario, but I wasn't going to ask. That just wasn't my style. "Ooooo-kay…" I said, watching him fumble with the zipper. It was dark and raining outside and I knew he'd taken that stupid scooter of his to get here. Against my better judgment I spoke again, "Newbie, you've had four of those green, girly things you call drinks. You sure you're okay to drive? You're clumsy enough on a sober day." Hey, in my defense I'm still a doctor. It's not like I care or anything.

"I called a cab," he said, muttering again whilst not meeting my gaze. I didn't believe him for a long-shot. I've known him far too long for him to think he can get away with BSing me. He seemed to realize that and looked up with a small smile, "I just need to think." I felt a strong want to protest and tell him to stop being a whiny little bitch, but he was a big boy and could make his own decisions no matter how unnecessarily dangerous they could be.

"Fine," was all I said as I turned back to my beer with a frown. Even though I was no longer looking at him, I could still feel his presence as he stood there in a moment of uncertainty as if contemplating again. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up.

"Thanks for coming tonight. I know you didn't want to," he said, looking slightly less bothered by his other problems.

"No problem, Newbie," was all I said in response.

Then he was gone.

Later that night as I lay in bed next to Jordan, I couldn't help the nagging feeling that was on the sub terrain of my conscious. Something was keeping me awake. Something didn't feel right.

My hospital pager went off beside my bed and I heard Jordan let out a cranky groan as she rolled over to face me. "Din' they know you're not 'n call tonigh'?" she slurred in a sleepy tone as I reached for the annoying device.

I never answered her, I only stared at the message Carla had just sent me. I felt Jordan lean over to read it too, letting out a gasp.

_-BAMBI IS IN THE ICU-_

_Fuck._

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**_A/N:_** So this story has quite a few firsts for me. Number one is that I like _neeeever_ write in first person, but I wanted to try it out. And number two is that I've never written a _Scrubs_ fic before lol. Actually I just recently finished rewatching all of the seasons and inspiration hit! I honestly don't know if this will be a friendship fic or a slash fic later on maybe? I can make it work either way, it just depends on how I feel while I'm writing it. I do love writing about angsty romance though - just a forewarning! ;P

Let me know how I did!


	2. Chapter 2

**The Diary of John Dorian**

**By: KKM**

_**Summary: **_

_** Shortly after his son is born, JD is involved in a head on collision and is put on life support. Stubborn as always, Dr. Cox is the only one of his "friends" who refuses to visit. But after coming across the young doctor's diary, his views start to change. Rated T.**_

_**This story is told in Dr. Cox's POV.**_

* * *

_** Last time:**_

_ Later that night as I lay in bed next to Jordan, I couldn't help the nagging feeling that was on the sub terrain of my conscious. Something was keeping me awake. Something didn't feel right._

_ My hospital pager went off beside my bed and I heard Jordan let out a cranky groan as she rolled over to face me. "Din' they know you're not 'n call tonigh'?" she slurred in a sleepy tone as I reached for the annoying device._

_ I never answered her, I only stared at the message Carla had just sent me. I felt Jordan lean over to read it too, letting out a gasp._

_ -BAMBI IS IN THE ICU-_

_ Fuck._

* * *

_ 'People deal with grief differently. For me, I'd rather kick a moose in heat than show that tiny ounce of emotion people seem to crave for. It all comes down to pride, really. And it was that very pride that prevented me from rushing over to Sacred Heart the moment I read that message. As much as I don't want to admit it, maybe there is something to that 5 stages of grief crap after all…'_

* * *

**Chapter 2:**

As soon as I walked through the front doors of Sacred Heart, I could _feel_ the change. No one smiled as I passed the front desk. Laughter did not greet my usually annoyed ears as I stepped into the elevator. And unless it had to do with a patient, no one was talking as I made my way to the Nurses' Station. If circumstances had been different, I'd have thought I'd died and gone to heaven.

As expected, news about JD's accident had spread through the hospital like wildfire. What I hadn't expected however, were the special little glares everyone had specially reserved for me. Even my buddy the Janitor seemed content to ignore me as I passed by him with a nod. Ouch. Apparently it was a mutual decision between everyone there that _I_ was the one to be punished for _his_ drunken, moronic actions now, huh? I'd asked if he'd had a cab, didn't I? Not that they knew that…

"Carla, give me the file on my lymphoma patient in room 306," I said in my normal tone, wanting to salvage as much of my normal routine as I could. She looked up from her computer monitor in somewhat of a daze, revealing her exhausted puffy eyes. There was no doubt in my mind of where she'd spent the night. "You look like hell," I commented as she shoved the file to my chest a little rougher than normal. Ignoring it, I started blindly flipping through the pages hoping something would capture my attention away from my hostile surroundings.

"You weren't there last night," she said quietly as she watched me with a small sniffle. She hadn't even bothered to put makeup on this morning. Probably didn't have time. "I know you read my page. I know you…" I could feel the burn of her gaze as she waited for me to look up and acknowledge her, but I only pursed my lips and pretended to be immersed in my patient's file. "Perry, _look_ at me," she demanded in a heartfelt trill, though still somehow able to maintain the softness of her voice. Damn it, I couldn't help it. I looked. "Turk and I had just checked on Izzy when Ted of all people called us. It didn't matter, we found a way to get here. I know he cares about you and what you think so I just thou-"

That's when I lost my cool. "What the hell did you expect, Carla? You and I have known each other for a _very_ long time. You know _exactly_ how I work and quote me if I'm wrong, but isn't my job involve _not_ getting emotionally attached to people?" I asked, throwing down the file as I turned to look at her with a growl, papers flying everywhere. "Yes, I know Veronica's attached to me. Hell, I haven't been able to get him away from me for years! But what makes him any more special than any other patient in this fucking place?" I yelled, my face beet red by then.

Everyone was staring at us, but we only saw each other as she stared up at me like the strong woman she was without letting her unshed tears fall. "Because he's your friend and he's in a coma," she said, her voice shaking a little bit, "and even if you won't let yourself see it now, you will later." She paused a moment and swallowed hard before finishing, "Just promise me if his condition worsens, you won't wait until the last minute to go see him like I did with Laverne."

I gritted my teeth and put my hands on my head like I always do when I'm angry, then turned away with a growl and made my way to the on call room. My patients could survive without me for a moment while I cooled off. I was lucky, at this time of the morning no one was usually in there because at 9 am people were always either coming or going from their shifts. I shut the door behind me and didn't bother to turn on a light as I sat on one of the beds with my head in my hands.

_ "Because he's your friend and he's in a coma." _Carla's words echoed through my head, haunting me with their potential truth.

When had Newbie and I became friends? Sure he was always at my right hand side whether I wanted him to be there or not and yes, we had 'helped' each other through some hard times. But that was just because we were colleagues, right? After all, with how clumsy he is I'd rather go home at the end of the day knowing my patients made it out of this hell-heap alive. It was no secret to him that he annoyed me to the very core and yet he was always there taunting me with his needs of approval or worse; a _hug_.

He'd been seeking that damn affection from me since he first got here. I still maintain that the only reason I let him stay around is that under all the idiotic childishness, he still didn't turn out to be a half bad doctor. Not that I'd ever tell him that. And now that something was actually wrong with him, the whole hospital expected me to do what for years JD had desperately wanted as well. But it just doesn't work like that. I don't care. I _re-healy _don't.

Okay. Maybe I do a little.

But still. Enough is enough. I'm not going to go see him no matter how much the others don't understand it. I am Percival Ulysses Cox, not some little sap-smacker. I don't _do_ emotion. Never have, never will.

"Excuse me, Dr. Cox?" a timid voice called as a young brunette poked her head in the door with caution. Now what? "I'm Leslie Stopher and I'm supposed to be taking over as a replacement for Dr. Dorian's patients," she said with a small smile.

I involuntarily grimaced at the word 'replacement.' This girl had to be fresh out of medical school. There was no way in hell that she was going to just barge in here and expect to be accepted as adequate. It was time to wipe that smile clean off her face. She watched as I stood up to my full height and looked down at her like she was nothing but a weed in an already overcrowded garden. "Well, you listen here Bow Peep because the only thing you're going to be replacing is - and _do_ pay attention because I _re-healy_ hate repeating myself- is the air circulating around my hand with a coffee because _I'm_ going to be the one taking care of Dorian's patients_ not_ some tater-tot who's been playing house with her girlfriends for the last five years. Got it, Cindy?"

As predicted, her smile melted from her face to be replaced by a rather shocked, and if I may say so myself, _appalled_ look. "How dare you! My name is Leslie, not Cindy and I'm not a little girl! I went thr-"

"Yeah yeah, you went to medical school. Very impressive." I interrupted as I rubbed the bridge of my nose feeling another headache coming on. "Don't talk to me unless you have coffee. Now beat it!" I growled, watching her huff a bit as her mouth twitched very much wanting to continue. But finally she made a prissy sound that reminded me of what a cat probably sounds like after getting fixed and marched away. "Good," I said before I too walked away.

I knew I had a _loooooong _day ahead of me. Not only did I need to take care of my own patients, but I'd just adopted all of Newbie's on top of it. I wasn't concerned though, I'd had my fair share of rough days before. Most of his patients seemed to be in pretty good shape really, which was good. Plus as an added bonus, since I was running around so much between rooms and checking charts, I was successfully able to ignore peoples' stares and whispers. In fact, about halfway through my day, a lot of the staff had given up on trying to make me any angrier. Some of it was because I didn't seem to care, but I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I had taken a small step in their minds toward helping JD.

Other than that, the whole day itself was just odd… I thought I'd be ecstatic be rid of Newbie's presence for a day, but truth be told I was so used to him following me around that when I turned to see that Leslie chick behind me instead, I was twice as irritable as I'd normally be. When she did finally get that coffee for me, I threw it in the trash in front of her face and taunted her about how she'd gotten it wrong. How Newbie knew exactly what I liked and she was a piss-poor replacement. The difference was that unlike Newbie, she didn't yearn for my approval. All she saw was a grumpy old man set in his ways. In the end, she stomped away in anger and asked Bob-o to reassign her. Whiiiiich, of course, he didn't.

Finally, I walked from the room of my last patient; _JD's_ patient really. I gave a sigh as I walked back up to the nurse's station to turn in my last charts for the day. Carla was still there, of course. The 'lucky' woman was taking on a double shift because a nurse called in. She still looked haggard as she glanced up at me, but her eyes weren't as puffy. She'd dealt with her inner turmoil by immersing herself deep into her work all day. "Thanks," she muttered as she took the files from me. Then, a familiar laugh from down the hall made our heads turn simultaneously.

Down the hall I could see Gandhi pushing a patient down the hall in a wheelchair. They had their backs to us, but I could clearly make out the patients dark, messy hair that peaked over the chair. Whatever was being said must have been hilarious, because both of them were laughing hysterically between speaking as Gandhi made it to the elevator and pressed the button. I looked back at Carla and she gave me the same quizzical look I was giving her. Without so much as a nod, both of us found ourselves running toward the elevator.

"Turk! Wait!" Carla shouted, waving her arms in front of her as we raced toward them; her hair getting frizzier by the second and my lab coat billowing behind me like a cloak. Her husband looked back at us in confusion as we caught up.

"Is there a fire or something?" he joked, then turned serious, "Is it about JD? If so, I'm going to _kill_ Elliot for not paging me first. She knows I need to be updated about my Vanilla Bear's condition regularly!" he huffed, turning the wheelchair around for the first time, making us realize that this was in fact _not_ JD. Though I do have to admit, the guy looked a _looot_ like him. They could have been brothers.

"No, we're just running late for a… meeting with Kelso!" Carla covered with a fake smile as she placed her hands behind her back and teetered on the balls of her feet a bit. I was still just staring at the patient, who up until now had remained quiet.

"Isn't that guy over there Dr. Kelso?" he asked, looking confused as he pointed back to the nurse's station in question where Bob-o was stuffing a muffin down his gullet as he talked to one of the new nurses. "And, why are you staring at me like that?"

And just like that, I snapped back into reality. "No reason," I said lamely as I gave Carla another look knowing my 'uncaring' cover had just been ruined. I crossed my arms and nodded at her husband, "Better get this guy to the operating room for that leg," I said, finally taking notice of the cast as things started clicking in place.

"Yeah… I'll do that," he said before turning back to Carla with a grin. "Mr. Braff here broke his leg when he was dared to go car surfing! So awesome!" he said before stepping back into the elevator. By the expression on Carla's face, I could tell she thought that was most idiotic thing ever. "Page me if you get any news on JD!"

"Alright, I will," she waved. "Bye, Honey." Then the elevator closed and her attention was returned to me as she popped her hip out and arched her brow in the typical saucy fashion that was uniquely Carla. "I'm sorry Perry, what was that you said earlier? That you didn't care?" she said with a small snort. "That looked like a whole lot of caring to me."

"Yeah, well…" I trailed off, rubbing my nose a second time before deciding silence was the best option here. I made sure to give her one hell of a glare for proving me wrong though. It would have made any other person piss themselves. But Carla wasn't just anyone.

Her smugness turned into a look of concern as she bravely placed a hand on my shoulder. "If you won't visit him, at least come help me get a few of his things tonight so he'll have fresh clothes when he wakes up," she said, looking up at me with big brown eyes. Carla is one of the very few people that I never say no to. I've known her for a long time and at one point in my life even had strong feelings for her. This time I let my pride go and gave the descent answer.

"Sure, I'll come," I grunted, then turned away from her. "But don't expect me to exchange pleasantries with Blondie and Cueball!" I called behind me, giving her a short wave without looking back. A classic dismissal.

"They won't be there. They work tonight!" I heard her shout back.

_Good. _I didn't want to see them anyway.

For now, I was just going to go home, shower, and relax. I knew Carla would call me later when she was ready for me to come with her. I just hoped that she wouldn't bring up anything else on the matter.

I was ready to put this shitty day behind me and go on with it.

I mean seriously, what kind of name is Leslie for a doctor anyway? _Pathetic._

* * *

_**A/N:**_ Sorry that took so long, lol. I'm not very good at getting things out super quick, though I'll admit that I haven't been as lazy with writing this story as I have with others in the past. If this chapter seems a little moody, it's because I was kinda in a bad mood when I wrote it. But honestly sometimes it's good to write like that because I think it helps catch the feelings of the characters on a more personal level. Did anyone else think my Zach Braff reference was clever? Lol, maybe I'm just a dork. *shrugs* Oh, well. Lemme know how you like it! ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**The Diary of John Dorian**

**By: KKM**

* * *

_**Summary: **_

_** Shortly after his son is born, JD is involved in a head on collision and is put on life support. Stubborn as always, Dr. Cox is the only one of his "friends" who refuses to visit. But after coming across the young doctor's diary, his views start to change. Rated T.**_

_**This story is told in Dr. Cox's POV.**_

* * *

_** Last time:**_

_ "Sure, I'll come," I grunted, then turned away from her. "But don't expect me to exchange pleasantries with Blondie and Cueball!" I called behind me, giving her a short wave without looking back. A classic dismissal._

_ "They won't be there. They work tonight!" I heard her shout back. _

_ Good. I didn't want to see them anyway. _

_ For now, I was just going to go home, shower, and relax. I knew Carla would call me later when she was ready for me to come with her. I just hoped that she wouldn't bring up anything else on the matter._

_ I was ready to put this shitty day behind me and go on with it._

_ I mean seriously, what kind of name is Leslie for a doctor anyway? Pathetic._

* * *

_ 'People are funny sometimes. You get so used to seeing them day after day that you think you've pretty much figured them out. Then WA-BAM! - you learn something about them that reminds you that everyone has their own lives and their own problems outside of the routines they're confined in. Even the people who you think you know inside and out have their own little kinks that have made them who wthey are. But once you come across that special knowledge, it's what you chose to do with it that really defines your relationship with them.'_

* * *

**Chapter 2:**

That night, I begrudgingly found myself outside of Newbie's apartment waiting for Little-Miss-Busybody to hurry the hell up and get there. I crossed my arms in the typical fashion while leaning back against the wall next to the doorway. Every now and then I found myself bumping the back of my head against the wall in boredom. I'm sure it pissed a few neighbors off, but honestly I couldn't have cared less. I was more preoccupied with the constant mantra in my head that was telling me I was only here to please Carla. But after earlier's display at the hospital, I knew better.

It's true what they say - Ignorance is bliss. Unfortunately, I didn't have that luxury anymore no matter how badly I tried to feign it. Somewhere deep down in my hard exterior I subconsciously cared about the kid. But that sure as hell didn't mean I was going to advertise it. That's just _nawt_ how I roll.

Finally, I heard movement from the stairwell at the end of the hallway. When Carla came into view her arms were full of empty duffle bags and her hair was flying wildly around her as she made it to the top. What happened to 'just a couple of things?' This woman looked like she was ready to pack the whole damn apartment in one go. I mean seriously, what does an unconscious guy need with five duffle bags? Surely Gwenith could go one day without his precious hair products?

"I didn't think you would come," she smirked as she came closer. Then she dropped all the bags between us and unlocked the door with a jingle.

"I almost didn't," I grumbled as I lazily slid from the wall and bent down to collect the fallen bags. The sight I was greeted with when I straightened back up was definitely not the one I expected as I watched the door swing open and Newbie's nerd-lair assaulted my retinas.

The first thing I noticed above all else was that the living room was actually _nice_. Upon inspection I was greeted by an expensive looking black leather couch, matching red pillows, and a glass coffee table that was decorated with some weird sculpture that I suppose could be considered art, and gray marble coasters. Everything else from the rather posh looking corner tables to the numerous bookshelves lined with anything from books to medical journals - and _yes_, Newbie owns _actual _books; I'm just as surprised as you are - were carved from a rich shade of darkened cherry wood. The kid had taste, that much was for sure.

Now don't get me wrong; this was _def_-initely still Newbie's apartment. There were still action figures strewn about and goofy pictures of he and his friends everywhere. I even saw a couple of myself, which _will_ disappear mind you. Not to mention there was a… stuffed golden retriever next to the couch. Do I really want to know? I'm gonna say no cuz it's just too darn strange and I _re-healy _wouldn't want to put up with the two hour long explanation of why he has such a morbid family pet for 'funzies.'

The point's that the whole living room was just too damn well put together and clean to be Newbie's. I was almost tempted to ask if she was playing a prank and this was really her hiding hovel to ditch Baldy on the weekends with.

"Not what you expected, huh?" Speak of the devil. She gave me a teasing look before breaking the threshold and walking with purpose toward a door that I'm guessing would lead to Newbie's bedroom.

"Let's just get this over with," I grimaced, taking a deep breath and shutting the door behind me. Perhaps there was something to that whole alter ego thing after all.

I followed her into the bedroom and immediately let out a sigh of relief. Now _this_ room definitely screamed JD all over it. Nothing -I repeat, _nothing_- about this room was tidy. Clean and dirty clothes were flung carelessly everywhere; some in piles and some not so much. I swear I saw dust on the forgotten hamper over in the corner. Only a lonely scrub clung for dear life caught on the lid of it. Even his bed was a mess! The black satin sheets lay crumpled on top of the bed, pooling toward the center as if they'd barely survived the typhoon their owner had put them through.

"Well," she sighed, her previous grin from the apartment's first impression now effectively fizzled out as she looked around the disaster area, "I'll try to find some clean outfits to salvage for him when he wakes up. You search the dresser for his socks and boxers." If anyone but Carla had spoken to me with such an authoritive tone, you could bet your sweet ass they'd hear about it. But I let it slide as I saw the hopeless frown on her face as she attempted to sort the impossible. "I may… just take all of these and wash them for him. Bambi, I swear…" she trailed off, muttering the last part to herself.

Shaking my head in amusement, I turned to his dresser. Nope, things didn't get much better over here. How someone could mess up something that was actually built to _sort_ clothes, I have no idea. But that's exactly what Newbie had managed to accomplish. Besides the fact that you couldn't see the top of the thing for all the shit that was piled on it, the drawers were already askew with loose socks and other articles hanging hap-hazardously from its bows. At least that made finding the socks pretty self-explanatory. I went ahead and grabbed a handful of the very few that had been left balled and mated and shoved them into a duffle bag. Maybe I'd get lucky and they would be his least favorite. Take that, Suzie-Q!

The next order of business was the underwear drawer, which luckily I found right next to the socks. I have to say, I was mildly impressed that it wasn't full to the brim with the tighty-whiteys I'd always imagined him with. Which trust me, if my hunch had been right, he'd have _neeeeeeeeeeeeeever_ lived it down. I'd have made it my sworn duty to rub the information in his face at every opportunity given. Instead, I was greeted by a random assortment of boxer briefs. I made a move to shove a pile into my bag before I'd catch his girl-cooties, but stopped dead in my tracks and gave a low whistle to what was waiting for me underneath. Hell-o-ooooo, Miss July!

Smirking, I looked over my shoulder to make sure that Carla hadn't noticed anything before investigating a little further. _Playboy, Foxy, Big Guns_ - Man, Newbie had some good taste! But it was the last title that startled me. _100 Percent Beef_. Something told me that wasn't for the grocery list. To be sure I was looking at what I thought I was, I flipped the magazine open to a random page and I'm almost positive my brows shot up to a comical state. Burning before my eyes was a page labeled _Hung Like a Stallion… _Yeah, that guy was hung all right. Its a wonder he didn't trip over that thing. Can you imagine telling _that_ story every Christmas? I quickly shut the thing and just blinked at it. Maybe the Todd wasn't the only one who had a thing for banana hammocks after all.

"Is there something wrong, Perry?" Carla asked from the mote of clothes she'd made around her on the floor after noticing I'd just been standing there gawking like an idiot.

Uhhhh… _no_," I said, trying to regain myself quickly. "I'm just so gosh-darn surprised that newbie can find anything in this pigsty he calls a room. Just wait for it, I can hear it now - The farmers are calling because they want their pigs back!" I finished lamely, ignoring the heat that was tainting my cheeks as I slammed the drawer shut a little harder than necessary. I _re-healy_ hadn't needed to see that. Peeling my eyes away from the not-so-well hidden secret that I knew was in the depths of that dresser, I cleared my throat. "I've got all we need from over here. You about done yet? I can feel myself growing gayer by the minute." I winced, not so successfully changing the subject. Ouch. Too soon, Per. Too soon.

Luckily she ignored the comment, thinking I was just making fun of Buttercup as usual. I watched as she folded her last article of clothing before nodding and standing up. "Yeah I think so. But before we leave, I want to call Turk and tell him we're on the way home. His shift should be ending soon. Can you start gathering these bags into the living room for me?" she asked, flashing me those big brown eyes of hers. Those eyes may seem sweet and innocent now, but I'm no fool. One wrong move and she'd unleash a bottle of crazy so strong that everyone on this whole floor would be fighting each other over who gets to abandon ship through the windows first.

"Sure," I replied, wanting to leave the room as fast as I could. Shifting the bags I was already carrying, I walked over and bent down to grab the ones she'd left behind as she ran off to call lover-boy. But as I made a move for the exit, my foot caught on something causing me to nearly fall on my face. I swear, the kid really should clean this dump. But noooooo, let's risk breaking our necks everyday because God forbid he actually end up in the hospital he works at - Oh, yeah. Too late. Me 1. Newbie 0.

"Damn it, Claudia," I growled under my breath as I looked down, "Now what?" I looked down fully expecting to destroy whatever had dared get in my way, but I paused when I saw innocent eyes peering up at me on probably the girliest looking cover I'd ever seen. I was staring at a _unicorn_. Covered in hearts. Ugh, _disgusting_. Even a fourth grader would have more self respect than to leave something so unflattering laying out in the open. What kind of a grown man liked unicorns anyway?

I knew exactly what this monstrosity was - Katrina's Diary.

I have no idea what possessed me to do what I did next. Maybe I was bored, perhaps it was just shock from what I'd found earlier, or hell - maybe I just missed that annoying kid's voice and got curious. Whatever the reason, next thing I knew I'd slipped the world's girliest book into one of my bags and walked out of the room like I'd just done the most normal thing in the world. Carla hadn't even noticed when I came in, she'd been too busy gabbing with Baldy.

"I know, I know, Sweetie," she soothed Newbie's 'wife' who was no doubt having a rough night between patients no matter how hard he'd tried to appear collected and fun-loving. My mind flashed back to when he'd been with that one patient. I'm sure he was just as struck by the similarities of the guy as we had been. There's no way that hadn't affected him. "Well, I'll be home soon," Carla'd been saying. "Perry is going to help me take all of these clothes home so I can watch them. When does your shift end?" There was a pause. "Okay, I'll see you then… I love you too. Be careful," then just like that she'd hung up the phone and her expression went from caring wife to a woman who meant business. A if the hands on her hips hadn't been a dead giveaway. "Ready?"

"Since the minute we stepped through the door," I scowled half-heartedly. Then we left.

Jordan and the kids were already asleep by the time I got home. Unfortunately, this was a normal occurrence for me. Trust me, I'd be the first person to tell you that I love my job and - as much as it _pains_ me to admit it - I completely understand that old coot Bob Kelso. Hell, I'd be kidding myself if I even thought for a minute that I wouldn't be at it until I'm older than all the dinosaurs put together. But the one thing I absolutely _hate_ is that I never have time to spend with my family. Jordan, I can stand not to see for long periods of time. The foundation of our relationship is formed from not giving a crap. The feeling is mutual. It's not seeing the kids that kills me.

So, after checking to make sure everyone is sleeping soundly with sugar plums dancing in their heads and what-not, I started my usual depressing ritual - Drink myself to an oblivion and consult my good ol' friend Jack Daniels.

Not the healthiest thing for a doctor, I'm sure; abet healing all the same. As soon as that amber liquid burned my throat, I began to feel all of my stress and worries fade away to be replaced by an artificial warmth that only alcohol can muster. The shit is _magic_, I'm telling ya'!

But sometimes not even magic can qualm a man's needs.

Taking another sip of my fiery beverage, I stared in front of me at the sparkly book I'd carelessly tossed onto the coffee table when I'd gotten home. It looked innocent enough as it laid there in the dim light. After all, I'm _positive_ it would take much more alcohol before a unicorn could be described as intimidating. And yet, something about it kinda _was_. That book was probably full of all of Newbie's most private thoughts over the years. Things that on any other day I couldn't give a shit less about. In fact, most of the time I tuned the kid out after the first 'hello.' But here I was, sitting on my couch contemplating breaking that barrier all while steadily downing my drink.

Did I really want to know what was waiting for me on the other side of that cover?

Part of me said not to because after all I'd seen today I probably owed the kid some privacy. Plus it wasn't like I'd ever really tried to get to know him before all this. I hadn't even bothered to visit him once yet since his accident! But, it was the other part of my conscious that was worrying me. This was my one real chance to possibly understand the kid without him annoying the shit out of me in the process. All these years he'd done his best to capture my attention and this was finally it. The moment I'd give him what he'd always dreamed of - and he didn't even have to know about it.

Finally, sanity had reached a breaking point and I thought _fuck it_ as I grabbed the blasted thing from the coffee table and skimmed through it for a moment. As each page of elegant handwriting passed before my eyes I'd already caught sight of my name time and time again. Maybe this had been a bad idea… But it was too late now. I was already suckered into the idea and Perry Cox is no wimp.

"Hn," I made a thoughtful sound as I shut the book a moment and took a deep breath before opening it to a random page. Whatever the entry was, I was going to force myself to read it.

And so it began -

_"The day Turk and Carla set their wedding should have been a time of happiness for all of us. I wanted more than anything to take my friend out and give him a toast to this new stage of life. But I never would have guessed the problems that day would unravel for me or how just simply caring about my best friend would cause my inner-most fears to bubble to the surface. It was almost like an inner journey…"_

* * *

**A/N:** And so we finally come to our first diary reeeeading! *squeals* It's about time right? The next chapter will be all about JD's inner struggles as Turk shows him his gay-phobic side and how he chooses to deal with it. The next chapter will also be the first chapter that's in JD's POV. I'll also be using some parts from Season 3, Episode 2's _My Journey_.

P.S. Sorry if it feels like I'm posting slower and slower. My mom has been in the hospital with multiple surgeries over the past few weeks so I've been busy with worrying about that and work, But I promise you that I do dedicate my free time to writing this, lol.

Enjoy!


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